King of bores
“Next…” Shouted Malfor the Mighty, stifling a giant yawn and casually waving at a guard who stood next to him. The guard stepped forward and brought down a giant two-handed axe straight upon the neck of the poor fool who had dared attempt to entertain him.
There was one more before me, who gulped, stepped forward, and spread their arms open in wide glee.
“Let me tell you a joke–“
“Next!” Shouted Malfor again, and the misguided idiot attempted to plead with their life as the guard stepped forward and once again brought the axe crashing down. The head rolled down the steps towards my feet, the face locked in-between horror and humour, the lips permanently paused on “–ke”.
I stepped forward. Here went nothing.
“What is your greatest desire?” I began with confidence.
Malfor stared at me. I guess this was a good start. I wasn’t dead yet.
“Go on…” He said, still looking bored, but at least not yawning yet.
“No, you tell me,” I said with increased confidence, feeling the atmosphere in the room change.
“OK,” he said, surprised by my boldness, “well, right now it’s to be entertained to alleviate the constant tedious boredom that is my life.”
“Yes, but what about deeper than that?” I probed, “What do you really want, more than anything else?”
Malfor leaned back in his giant golden throne. His typical look of lethargic irritation changed to pensive thought. He scratched his lazy stubble.
“You have me intrigued, minstrel.” He said. “I guess more than anything, I crave adventure, but I find myself just dealing with the constant everyday tedium of petty squabbles and bureaucracy.”
He stood, dusting down his glittering red robes, sending a ripple of excitement around the chamber. Clearly Malfor didn’t stand much.
He started pacing the platform his throne stood upon, hands behind his back. “I guess I thought being a malevolent ruler would be… Well, be more interesting.”
I nodded along. The fact I could still nod filled me with hope. My next move was crucial. I figured I could keep pushing.
“Maybe you need a change of scene?” I offered.
Malfor paused and stared at me. He looked around the room, taking in all the soldiers, courtiers, advisors, and hangers-on filling the space with their pomp and pageantry. They all looked concerned.
“Maybe you’re right, Minstrel.” He said, scratching his stubble once again. “But there’s so much to do here. Who could I trust in my absence?”
I sensed the twitching of potentials around me and decided to run towards the crazy. There was nothing left to lose at this point.
“I mean… I could.” I said with a semi-sincere lack of commitment. ”You know, just keep the lights on, keep things ticking over for you. I won’t change anything while you’re away.”
He nodded and started to step down from the platform, waving away the courtiers who attempted to help him. “I like you, Minstrel. You’re the only person here who didn’t bore me. I don’t know if I trust you, but I’m willing to take a risk. Have fun.” He said, striding out of the hall through a sea of shocked faces.
I stepped up to the throne and sat down.
“Next!” I shouted.
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